#06: Finding the Extremes of Work and Rest
#06: Finding the Extremes of Work and Rest
Learnings from seasons of busyness and seasons of rest
In 2020, I finally had the abundant time I needed to pursue a goal I’d wanted for a long time: learning to code.
I would get up usually at 5:30 and put in a 1-2 hour block of coding time most days before starting work. It was hard work, but I’ve felt incredibly proud to have built a brand-new skill on my own, and to have created several apps now live on the App Store.
I’ve continued to work on this even after my daughter was born in 2022, but the challenge has compounded. I want to continue to pursue this skill, but ideally not at the expense of being a good parent, spouse, friend, or employee.
And so the question I’m often asking myself is, “How do I have the right level of energy for each thing that is expected of me?” To do good work, to pursue my personal projects, to be present with my wife Allie and my daughter Kennedy, with my friends, and whatever else I want to show up well in.
I’ve become more devoted to routine, and I’ve adopted a fairly transactional attitude towards my own self and body - if I’m pushing myself too far, I will scale back, but it’s often in service of asking the question, “how can I perform better?”
I’ve learned a lot about what gives me energy and what takes it away, but I often think of myself as a machine that needs to be optimized so that I can do a lot of stuff, and hopefully do it well.
As you can well imagine, this comes at a cost. There are important things in life that cannot and should not be optimized - dealing with a child’s meltdown, quality time with Allie or with friends. And though I try to get better at being spacious in these areas of life, I’ve had many situations where I don’t give the patience or the space needed for some of those less goal-oriented elements of life that just require presence, patience, and often love. And there are things that get lost in the shuffle when I live with this attitude, namely thinking of others. My focus is much more narrowed around my immediate family and my work, which leaves less time to call other people and think of others not right around me.
I haven’t always lived in this state - I feel extremely fortunate to have had three ‘sabbaticals’ - one nine-month-long, and two one-month-long - since I started my post-college working career, and they’ve provided an invaluable foil to this current way of life.
For nearly five months in 2016, Allie and I traveled through much of Western Europe on a rail pass, in what I can confidently say was the trip of a lifetime.
We weren’t sure how we would do together with the stress of such a new experience and all that extended time together, but it was an amazing season in our relationship. We had overflowing abundance of time to soak up the experience, talk nonstop about everything we were taking in together, and it was a season of really deep connection for us together.
I felt lighthearted, open, spacious, and intensely curious, and I am still incredibly grateful to have experienced such a radical shift in lifestyle together with Allie while we were in our twenties.
At the same time, as the trip went on, while my mind was plenty occupied with figuring out logistics of travel, taking in all these new experiences, and connecting with Allie as well as the locals and fellow travelers we met on the way, I felt restless at times and part of me longed to have a productive and useful cause to devote my energies to.
I was more prone to rumination (I cut my foot twice on the trip, and both times ended up quite anxious about it getting infected - this is something I would not think twice about if it happened today).
These two extremes taught me a lot about the range of my personality. I’m very different in a busy season than a light season, and it’s been eye opening to see both my strengths and weaknesses in both of those environments.
I’ve come away from this hoping more people (you included) get to experience two things in your life:
First, a season where you push yourself to your limit and come to know what you’re capable of (and get the boost of confidence that comes with going somewhere you didn’t think you could).
Second, a season where you throw away the to-do list and maybe even the calendar (ideally before retirement) to see what thoughts and curiosities emerge, and to see how different of a person you are when you experience open and abundant time and freedom.
Even if a change in seasons is not in the cards right now, I think there’s still a lot of benefit to be found by recognizing the current situation you’re in, and asking yourself: what strengths does this bring out in me? What weaknesses does it bring out? And then adjust accordingly.
Thanks for reading.
*Photo is Florence at sunset during our 2016 trips. We sat to just watch the sunset many times during the trip and it’s still one of the highlights (as well as something I almost never make time for now).