What is Accountability?
This newsletter is all about accountability.
What comes to mind when you hear that word?
For me, at first blush, it doesn’t feel fun. It feels responsible. Weighty. Negative.
Like something companies and governments need so they stop doing bad stuff. Or something individual people need so they stop doing bad stuff.
Webster’s defines it as: (noun) an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.
That matches the feeling I have, but that’s not the kind of accountability I’m talking about. Accountability can be a lot more than that.
We live in a society where it’s very difficult to speak into other people’s lives in an honest and powerful way.
In many forms of media (social and news), it’s commonplace to bash others who think and act differently. There might be candor, but very little change comes from this place. The battle lines of difference are already drawn, and most people don’t take feedback from someone criticizing them from a distance.
And in many relationships, we’re afraid to speak the hard truth to others, because “we don’t know the full story” or “maybe they have different (priorities/worldview/life experiences).” Personally, I’m conflict averse by nature, and many times I could have given someone some helpful, honest feedback, but didn’t because of one of the excuses above.
We often assume difference in our culture, which either empowers us to take shots from a distance, or disempowers us to be honest at all, because “we don’t know everything.”
Many religious communities have a default expectation of similar values, which makes it much easier to speak honestly into the most vulnerable and important places of one another’s lives: parenting, virtues and vices, work, finances, spiritual health, and so on.
But you might not be part of a community like that. Or even if you are, it might not exactly map onto all the values and priorities you have. Or, you might just be interested in closer relationships with a wider variety of people.
This is where accountability comes in.
Accountability is a way of relating where we come to know someone else’s values, wishes, and dreams, and expose ourselves to the same knowing. We commit to a mutual project of growing in those areas, by:
(1) encouraging each other on the journey
(2) sharing wisdom and inspiration when we see a better path, and
(3) correcting when our peers are off course.
Rather than a stodgy, and weighty thing, this is more about openness, exploration, self-discovery, and looking after others.
In some cases, this might be an especially deep set of relationships where you work through some of the most personal and intimate areas of your life, and in other cases, it might just cover a slice of your life. A running group actually contains all three of the elements mentioned above, but focused on one particular area of your life.
When you look for relationships with accountability, you’re bringing more of what matters most to you into your relationships, you’re increasing the chances that you’ll make good on your wishes and dreams, and you’re probably going to be significantly more engaged in your interactions.
Interested? But how do you do it?
More to come on that.